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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Football for the win...and Twins

Repeat after me: I’m a Texan and I like football.

Not that fancy Euro style of football either. I like the in your face, gang tackling, fourth consecutive “worst friggin’ call I have EVER seen” quantification of everything that is male. I want my beer cold, my stadium seats sticky and a hairy fat guy to bump chests with as I watch my team scoreboard their opponent.

This is why I do not understand the fascination people have with soccer.

Don’t misunderstand me. I can see the parental advantages to registering your child for a team. Soccer teaches your children leadership, coordination, strategy, and most importantly, how to work with others. As a father, I often reflect on my own son's success with euphoric nirvana as I patiently wait for my wife to post bail. (I wasn't kidding about #14 throwing elbows Ref) Seeing the smile on that little face during my supervised visits makes it all well worth it. But past the age of 18, I don't understand the allure.

Back in my college days, I lived in London where “football” rivals the Catholic Church as a religion. By day, the city was bustling with people trying to get from point A to point B. At night, the streets emptied and the pubs busted at the seams while 200 grown men rabidly watched the Chelsea Blue Angels fight for a nil-nil score crouched around a 20” TV. Songs of support and admiration could be heard from every facet of the neighborhood as the building around me seemed to sway. Peace and goodwill to the family of a poor bloke that walked into the pub wearing the wrong jersey.

But, in America, we just don't care.

I tried to like the World Cup. I mean, I really tried. But, 99.9% of the matches I watched entailed the ball being passed back and forth while some guy occasionally puts on an acting clinic that would rival Lance Bass’ perceived interest at a wet t-shirt contest. What’s so compelling about 90 minutes of no score (plus stoppage and an overtime) just to go to a shootout where each shot is just a guessing game?

Why not eliminate the formality of regulation soccer and go straight to the shootout?

Man Law.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said sir!

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHA CLASSIC!

3:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sir, are an idiot. ;-)

Soccer/Football is the beautiful game...there is no 2 ways about it. Having said that, I am not concerned with pursuading Americans of that fact. The same can be (and has been) said of hockey, baseball and basketball (what's so great about scoring if each team does it 50 times a game?). I won't ask you to appreciate soccer if you stop acting as if your ignorance of the game is proof positive that it has no objective merit.

Cheers!

3:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Soccer like other sports has its own merits and issues. Had you grown up somewhere else you would of been a soccer fan. If soccer fans from England grew up here they would have been football fans.

Anyone can play you don't have to be the winner of the genetic lottery like basketball or football. Sure its not as violent or as high scoring as other sports but it has a beauty to it.

A great ball in the box is like a great pass inside the red zone. Some great dribbling is like watching Hot Sauce on And1. A great goal strike is a lot like a great hockey goal before the rule changes sped up that game. The great fan support and pageantry in the EPL is a kin to things you see in college football.

It’s not without issues, the flopping and ties among them. But so does college football. Coaches lobbying in the media for what bowl games they should be put in or what their rank should be. They’re trying to gain an advantage just like those acting like a sniper got them. Co-Conference Champs that’s a form of a tie is it not?

12:21 AM  
Blogger Scott Boswell said...

The Kentucky Derby is about pagentry and spectatorship. But, it's one of a few horse races televised throughout the year.

Golf is about etiquette and high society. But, I've never been to a Master's tailgating party.

You have to actually pay for channels to see soccer in the USA. If Baseball is supposedly the national pastime, why aren't colleges more visable during the regular season?

All of the above are boring unless you are there in person.

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Correction: "I FIND all of the above [to be] boring." You know how I know you're gay? You'd rather be watching The View than Day 2 of The Masters. (What? You thought "you know how I know you're gay" couldn't find you in the bloggosphere?) ;-)

1:51 PM  
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7:01 AM  

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