Inside J. D.'s Head

Well, Cowboys fans, you may have heard the news. Seems strong safety Keith Davis wasn't returning home from visiting family in Shreveport. But he may have very well been gambling to be out late partying while playing for Bill Parcells. Word has it Texas College contacted the Cowboys wanting to hire Davis as a assistant coach if they cut him. Seems Ramonce Taylor needs a mentor once his transfer is complete.

First, Lance "Uni-Nad" Armstrong is accused of using performance enhancing drugs during his record setting Tour de France winning streak. Now Floyd Landis, the one-hip wonder, reportedly tested positive for high levels of testosterone during his improbable Tour win. Should we Americans start to get suspicious of our cyclists? I'll tell you what. When Petey Palmerino, the one-legged former jockey, wins the Tour, then I'll be concerned.

Good Riddance to former Mavs point guard Darrell Armstrong. That pagan Redskin lover was threatening family values in Dallas Forth Worth.

Well, the Heisman voters may have gotten it wrong, but justice was served today when Vince Young signed a contract worth $4 million more than first overall pick Mario Williams.

Did you hear the one about running back Thomas Jones pulling his hamstring during his Chicago Bears training camp physical? He said, "It could happen to anybody." True. That's why it's happened to all of one person in the history of the NFL. Somebody didn't eat their Wheaties this morning.

Word is several women were rushed to the hospital after fainting when the new Milwaukee Brewers mascot, El Picante the Mexican Weiner, thrust past them during the Brewers traditional sausage race.

Rumor has it the Mavs have had their eye on Nuggets power forward Reggie Evans, who so gently caressed the groin of Chris Kaman in the NBA playoffs. It appears they are looking to add another ball handler to back up Jason Terry.

So one Miami Hurricane is shot and another returns fire on the assailant. Good to hear the legacy of Jimmy Johnson lives on in Florida.

Here's three phrases that will give you a disturbing mental image: Super Bowl...Taylor Hicks...Wardrobe Malfunction.