Oxnard Sighting: The Ghost of Larry Allen
You observe the Dallas Cowboys camp from afar and you see some strange things. Flozell Adams getting a head start in wind sprints and running with the second team. Terrell Owens riding a stationary bike with a sore hammy instead of practicing. And a chill creeps up your spine.
IT'S THE GHOST OF LARRY ALLEN!!!!!!! He's possessed two important members of the offense in his absence. All these years, he was such a quiet person. Now we know he held a grudge against the Cowboys in his departure. I know, you say he's alive. His spirit cannot possess anyone because it still labors in his massive frame. But I say, the evidence is unmistakable. Football players on bikes. Getting head starts. He's Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere. And he will bring the offense and the Cowboys season to its knees.
Picture this: Flozell at less than 100% physically and/or mentally misses yet another block he struggles with even at his optimum. Pass rushers bear down on the ever indecisive Drew Bledsoe who can't lean on a gimpy Owens for a bailout. Another in a long line of sacks and/or turnovers occurs and we see the spirit possession spread. The Tuna's head begins to spin. Julius Jone's projectile vomits trying to decide if he should block Osi Umenyiora or Michael Strahan who has blown past Rob Petitti. The season goes to Hell.
So call a priest. A minister. Or a rabbi. Call Chuck Norris for that matter. The exorcism must be performed. Now!