Fran Goes Hollywood
(Ok, I couldn't find a decent quality Jack Nicholson shot to doctor...so I improvised)
Coach Fran: You want answers?
TexAgs Poster: I think I'm entitled.
Coach Fran: You want answers?!
TexAgs Poster: I want the truth!
Coach Fran: You can't handle the truth!
Coach Fran: Son, we live in a world that has end zones, and those end zones have to be guarded by men with guts. Who's gonna do it? You?! You, TexAgs Windbag?! I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for 3rd and 2, and you curse the sidelines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that a pass on 3rd and 2, while tragic, probably should have won the game. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins games! You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at tailgates, you want me making that call! You need me making that call! We use words like honor, mental toughness, leadership council. We use these words as the backbone of a career spent defending our play calling. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a internet junkie who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very alternating-year winning seasons that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide them! I would rather you just said, "Thank you," and went on your virtual way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a headset and stand for a game on the sideline. Either way, I don't give a (censored) what you think you are entitled to!
TexAgs Poster: Did you order the Field Goal?
Coach Fran: I did the job I was sent to do--
TexAgs Poster: Did you order the Field Goal?!
Coach Fran: (shouting) You're gawldarned right I did!!
TexAgs Poster: WatchOle, keeper of the message board, I suggest the lurkers be dismissed, so that we can move to an immediate Board of Regents session. The coach has got to go.
WatchOle: Dr. Gates?
TexAgs Poster: Bob?
Gates: [nods head]
WatchOle: The Board of Regents will retire to an anteroom until further instructions are received.
Random CT: All rise!
Coach Fran: What is this? Dr. Gates, what's going on? I did my job, I'd do it again. I'm gonna get in my limo and go back to my mansion.
WatchOle: You're not going anywhere, Fran. CT's, guard the Coach.
Random CT: Yes, sir!
WatchOle: Dr. Gates?
Gates: Coach Fran, you have the right to a generous severance package --
Coach Fran: What is this? I'm being charged with losing the game? Is that what this is? I'm responsible for losing the game? This is funny. That's what this is. Half the teams lose every Saturday. This is - -
[leaps towards TexAgs poster, CT's restrain him] I'm gonna rip the eyes out of your smiley face icon and photoshop your dead skull! You messed with the wrong coach!
WatchOle: Coach Fran, do you understand these posting guidelines as I have just read them to you?
Fran: You flippin' people. You have no idea how to defend an end zone. All you did was weaken a team today, TexAgs. That's all you did. You put the 12th Man's record in danger. Sweet dreams, nerd.
TexAgs Poster: Don't call me a nerd. I'm a rookie poster and an wannabe internet Sunday morning quarterback. And you're terminated, you son of a beach. The coach is excused